57.

I get on by as best I can
I surely have one great fan
An intellectual being who knows my worth
That deserves a place outside this planet Earth.

What that worth is
I'll never know.
I'm full of myself at the moment
But watch me as sometime or another I will glow.

I dreamt in waves of death
and ecstasy
As much as I dream
It should never be.

I believed in you and me
But it seems not to be.

I don't know if you believe
In the love I have for you
But the memory remains
Of our walk of fame.

Going along that wall in June
I was alone, I shouldn't have been
If someone believe me, it was you
Only we have seen what we have seen.

I dreamt in waves of death
and ecstacy
As much as I dream
It should never be.

I believed in you and me
But it seems not to be.

I write these words in solitude and remorse
I was your one and only damned true curse.
Why I continue evoking these emotions in my mind
I find that fact so hard to find.

I just want inner peace and you by my side
From that fact I'll never be able to hide.
Maybe one day you'll read these words
And realise that you weren't just my sow's ear purse...


I never wanted it to be like this.
The life I had, I now now miss.
Settling and normality became so normal
I just wish that you'd given me a chance
And stopped me from the unrealistic advances...
I want to get involved committedly but I'm now stuck in a bubble...

56.

I'm dying here in my own life
I never thought I'd be feeling this strife.
It's gone four months on by now
I'd like to know when, where, when and how
It got this bad that you'd take on another?
I'm no different from a different brother...

All the fantasies we ever had have now been upheld
Yet I'm still stuck up in the same old cloud
Wishing of better things between us.
Tell me why did it ever get this bad
And why now all the fuss?
If you didn't love me then I can't see the loss.

It goes round and round like a siren in my head
Am I better off alive, or should I be better off dead?
I live my life and I wanna be free
But in my own mind I'm the King and your my Queen.

Let's get together and spend some time
In the company of one another and see if we can find
The truth in feeling and ignore the life that's peeling
From infectious tempestuous days
We can always live and find a reason
To live beyond my foolish ways.

I wished things were better
But I've just done my best to get back to normal
Now for you it's down to the rest.
I've wanted to move on for years
But Oh my, oh God, my tears
Have stopped me for much a time, so as I can make you mine.

And it goes round and round like a siren in my head
Am I better off alive, or should I be better off dead?
I live my life and I wanna be free
But in my own mind I'm the King and your my Queen.

So don't despond to compromise
We all have something new to try.
I've tried my best and I won't deny
That you are the one I want for life...

55.

I bare these thoughts
So that all tarts and whores
Can potentially see the way it should be.

Day dreams aside
Men are filled with pride
Yet we're scared to admit the one thing we want in life.

We want company, compassion
Truthfulness and attraction
If all of those combine
Then we'd be doing just fine.

So what if you don't like my favourite band?
Run with me and come take my hand.
I'll be with you no matter what the Hell you put me through.

But it all feels so put aside when you've been denied
and yet the way you feel is guilt upon yourself.
You just feel that your lacking in wealth.

Oh Men want company, compassion
Truthfulness and attraction
If all of those combine
Then we'd be doing just fine.

No matter what you think
Even when I fall into the drink
I've always been there, no matter how unfair.

I'm just me and your just you
There's nothing more that we can do
Other than respond to the whole situation and try to withhold from the population.

54.

I wonder why the World still turns when all I have
Is charred skin and cigarette burns.
All I know is that oh baby it skirts on pain
Yet the more I'm away from you is the more it hurts.
I wonder why the truth came to die
And yet you decided that my contact with you would be fine?

I dream of all the plans we made
I envisioned a romantic cascade...
Why drift away
When you can fade?

It makes no sense as to the profanity of the way it seems
That all of our worries were wrapped up in cotton wool dreams
Ready to be protected from all the World
And my self-absorbing self.
Just give me half a chance to be the man I wanna be.
Let me be your unfinished sympathy...

I dream of all the plans we made
I envisioned a romantic cascade...
Why drift away
When you can fade?

53.

It's Christmas Eve
And you barely blink.
We've reciprocated for so long
That the time has finally been and gone.
I hold true
My feelings of you.
There's no need for me to lie.
I thought for my life you were my alibi.

But your with him and
There's nothing more to think
I'm all alone whilst your with him.
I'll sit around waiting
Wondering what you may feel
I sit here in wonder... Is this love real?

Everyone says it so
Yet others tell me to leave and go.
Torquay, Prague, Amsterdam, Weymouth Dublin and Edinburgh
Are all places that we've lived and loved.
Yet I still wait
In the shadows unabaited
Feeling so much tempted
I tingle at your love's mercy; seemingly unrestrained.

But your with him and
There's nothing more to think
I'm all alone whilst your with him.
I'll sit around waiting
Wondering what you may feel
I sit here in wonder... Is this love real?

Is this over
After 9 long years?
I hope to think not
Despite all the tears.
You still converse with me,
Behind the back of he
Yet at the same time you seem to show affection
That's seemingly aimed in my direction...

52.

(Him)
So it's over and your done with me.
All I ever asked for was
coffee and sympathy.
A shoulder on which to cry
And empathy.

You responded adequately
Yet at the same time
Questioned your own philosophy.
And gave me false Hope
But at least you agreed.

And now the time has passed
we had our fun.
You want friendship
I'd rather have a gun.

(Her)
I called you to ensure your not so rash
I apologize right now
For the way I reacted in the past
But I just felt alone
The last four years were too much to hack.

I never meant to offend the memory of Anne
Though you must understand
This was never my ultimate aim or plan.
You've suffered for too long.
Now I'm turning you down for my man.

And I never wanted to hurt you
Oh no please understand
That your problems alone
Were not the end of our romance.

(Him)
So your telling me now that all Hope has passed.
On the general Eve of Christmas
I wish I had your grace, style and class.
I know it's been months
But I thought that we could last.

yet what I truly don't comprehend
And please try and explain
Is you still want me as a friend.
I'm worried his visa will expire
And we'll be back to square one somehow again.

I can't have you hurt me
After all's been said.
This should really be
The last communication; in my head.

(Her)
I'm sorry right now how many times must I say
That we only felt like friends
We simply drifted away.
I Hope that you feel better
And understand some day.

But If it's reassuring at all I'll be thinking of you
I Hope your Christmas is pleasant
now what more can I do?
I understand your hurt so please do talk
Even this for me is not a proverbial walk.

I'm sorry my former love
But I made my choice.
I'm glad for this conversation.
Now please go find your voice...

(Him)
Baring in mind the tears that I've cried
in both worry and contempt
I contact you now with my blessing and a vow
That we shall try us as friends.
I'd just like to ask though with all said and passed
What he will make of it all?
Will he match logic with reason or perceive it as treason
That your willing to talk to this Faul?
I fail to see to many degrees how you believe this could be.
But if we can But try for both our peace of mind
Then I believe we will But see
I did it with my former But time had been and gone
things are viable But as all above don't you dare prove me wrong...

51.

I'll rack myself out to the bone
Yet you'll still be asleep when I get home
Please don't cut me to be the bone
You'll know I'll be asleep when you get home too...

We would live our lives sure damned dependently
But I've ran out of patience...
This week is all I can stand...
It's the end of into ten years and we're co dependant..

But there's no way way in Hell I'd take you back.
I'm sick of cutting into your slack.
I'm heading straight for that there heart attack...
I may as well sign your name across my back...